Choices
by MaDDii-LeiGh316
Summary: Everyone knows Severus Snape is in love with Lily Evans, but that feeling is one-sided. How is he suppose to make the right choice when its so much easier to give in to make the wrong ones? One-Shot!


**Authors Note: **Hey! this here is my first time trying this. Was actually listening to the radio and boom! The idea just forced its way into my brain that I should try this. Hope you like it!

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing!

_Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck  
Some nights, I call it a draw  
Some nights, I wish that my lips could build a castle  
Some nights, I wish they'd just fall off  
But I still wake up, I still see your ghost  
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for oh  
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?  
Most nights, I don't know anymore..._

_-Fun _

_**Choices**_

Severus Snape stood there watching the only thing that ever meant anything in his life, throw it all away. He watched how she laughed and placed her hand on _him._ He didn't understand how she could do this. Yes, he was the one who ruined what they had that day by the lake; but how could she do this?! It was as if every 'arrogant toe-rag' and 'pompous git' never even came out of her mouth. Severus gritted his teeth. With fist clenched and nails biting into his palms he steadied himself to make his way past the pair who was currently standing against the wall half way down the corridor. He honestly would have preferred not to pass them, but he had been silently watching them for the past ten minutes from behind a suit of armor and it didn't look as if they were going to be moving any time soon. Taking a deep breath and hitching his bag more securely over his shoulder, he meant to briskly walk by them and prayed they didn't take notice to his departure, but things never seemed to go the way he intended.

Ten feet before he reached them; just as Lily let out a warm laugh, Severus' bag split and books, parchment and ink went spilling from the ruin of material still hung on his shoulder. Cursing and blushing from embarrassment, he bent to gather his belongings. He chanced a glance at the faces around him. Lily had a small frown on her delicate mouth while the arrogant slime, whose arm Lily's hand still lingered on by the way, had a look torn between amusement and anger.

"Having some trouble there _Snivellus_?" This came from the haughty voice of Sirius Black who Severus failed to notice in his tunnel vision of 'Lily and Potter'. Black was leaning against the opposite wall, one leg straight while the other was bent at the knee. One hand was in his pocket while the other hung along his length, wand in its grasp; his mouth wore a smirk and mischief danced in his eyes. Hatred coursed through Severus' veins and his hands shook. He had two choices; one, grab his things and continue on his way; or two, curse the arsehole till he could no longer tell the difference between that pretty boy face and his-

"Sirius, that's hardly necessary." Lily had decided to intervene. She walked across the hallway and for a heart-stopping moment Severus thought she meant to help him; then he understood as she went to Black and put a comforting hand on _his_ arm. "I really don't feel like having to deduct points from my own house and as James and I are Head boy and girl, I will be obligated. He hasn't done anything to you. Leave him be."

Severus understood. She was giving him his way out without having to make a choice. The look she gave him said it all. It was torn between pity and unresolved anger. She didn't want him to feel a fool, but was still too angry and more than likely hurt, then to help him directly.

"Oh Lils, you know sometimes I just can't help myself. When I see slimy hook-nosed gits staring down my best mate and his lovely lady I just get all riled up."

"Well, go play some fetch with Pete then and keep yourself out of trouble." She replied with a smirk. Potter laughed loudly at this. Severus could barely stand the playful banter going on between the group. _How things change_ he thought to himself.

"You heard her Padfoot, let's play nice." With a flick of his wand_, _Potter mended Severus' bag, and turned to Lily. "Hey Lil we better get going, don't want to be late for Charms now do we, coming Padfoot?"

"Yea, I'll be along in a minute; don't worry Lil, not causing any trouble. Marauders honor." As Lily and Potter turned to go, Potter giving Black a shrug and Lily giving a look of warning, Black turned back to Severus who was wearing a look of complete loathing. His fingers clutched his wand that was hidden up his sleeve, ready to attack.

"This is a warning Snape. Stay away from them. I don't care what you and Lily had in the past. You ruined every chance you ever had-"

"I don't need warnings from the likes of you Black!" Severus cut him off. Who did he think he was, giving out warnings like they meant anything! Who was he to Severus but an arrogant pig. "You are the one who should heed to a warning. Blood-traitors will hold no favor when the Dark Lord makes himself known and then we will see who is having 'some trouble'. You might have the brainless masses of these halls fawning at your feet, but enjoy it while it lasts. And next time you throw a hex my way, be prepared for the repercussions." And with that Severus pushed past Black and made to storm down the rest of the hallway. When he reached the end, almost to the stairs he heard Black call to him.

"Hey, Snape! The next time you want to sit and wonder why Lily chose James and not you, remember what you just told me. And remember that when you officially join his ranks, Lily will be joining the opposite side. Like she said, you chose your path and she chose hers. Remember that." And he turned on his heel and strode away.

Severus stood there fueled with anger at Blacks words, mostly because they were true. How could he expect Lily to forgive him, let alone be with him, when she would be fighting against him. But the truth was that even if he never spoke that horrid word, chose the same side as her and allied himself with Dumbledore, she still would never choose him to be more than a friend. And as Snape allowed that thought to penetrate his mind, it made him think that just maybe this choice was the only one he really had.

Severus sat in the Slytherin Common Room in an armchair by the fire. He was going through his Potions notes trying to study for an upcoming exam. It was rather difficult with thoughts of Lily muddling his mind. He knew he needed to stop this madness. She chose who she wanted and it was not him. In a few months time he would be leaving this damned castle and all the fodder behind to do bigger and greater things. He would officially join the Dark Lords ranks and his true potential would be unleashed. The problem was, all he could now see was that potential being unleashed on Lily. What if she was hurt because of something he didn't stop? What if he was forced to hurt her himself? Could he do it? Could he hurt and possibly kill the only thing he ever truly loved? Blacks' words echoed in his ears. She had chose her side and he his. There was no going back, was there? These thoughts were interrupted by a shadow crossing Severus' path.

"Snape, are you particularly busy? Mulciber wants to see us." Avery spoke in a hushed voice.

"Not in the slightest Avery, none of this will even matter come June when we leave here. Test scores – what rubbish! Now what does he need us for?"

"Not sure, but I have a feeling it has to do with the lack of _participation_ our fellow peers seem to be showing to our cause." Severus nodded in agreement. At their last meeting with Malfoy down in the village, they were instructed to cause as much _misfortune_ to mudbloods and blood-traitors as possible without detection. It seemed as if some of the younger recruits were worrying more about detention then the cause.

"Well, let's not keep him waiting then." Severus replied. And for the hundredth time that night Blacks' words about choosing sides rang through his head.

Severus sat in a secluded corner or the library, between a particularly large shelf and a wall, by the Charms section. This was where he always sat since this was the least likely spot to be seen by anyone, especially a specific red-head whose favorite subject just happened to be Charms. He liked to sit here and watch her from afar. Perhaps pretend that they were still friends and she was sitting with him. Act like her smile or laugh was directed at him. He knew it was pathetic, but it was all he had. At this moment he was thinking over the meeting with Mulciber he had a few nights ago. Avery had been right in his assumptions. According to Mulciber, Malfoy was not impressed by the few recruits they had and if they couldn't rally a better following while at Hogwarts, they were going to have bigger problems afterwards. He was just thinking of enlisting the Carrows when he heard her. She was two rows away from him and he swore he could smell her perfume.

"Hold on Mar! I just need to grab this one book to show to Flitwick." Lily was calling over her shoulder. Severus saw she was speaking to Marlene McKinnon, her fellow Gryffindor and best mate. Severus chanced walking to the end of the bookshelf he was behind to get a better look.

"Yeah yeah Lil, you know that book is really for you and your unhealthy obsession with Charms." McKinnon said while laughing.

"Hush you! My Obsession is Charms while yours is Quidditch! So shush! Let me get this book so we can hurry up and get out of here."

"Oh that's right, big date with The Infamous Mr. Potter. Let me guess and say what his obsession is, um – you?" Severus gritted his teeth.

"Ha Ha Mar. You're hysterical. But as a matter of fact, we do have a date. We are leaving at ten-fifteen, so I'm going to have to sit through dinner and try to be patient, but I need to figure out an outfit." Severus tasted blood and realized he was now biting the inside of his cheek hard enough to break the skin. He took a deep breath to calm himself and went back to listening.

Marlene was continuing, "You two really are the worst Heads. Sneaking out to the village in the middle of the night to get absolutely sloshed and then return to do God knows what in that all too convenient private dorm room you each have. Too bad you don't have your own common room, now that would be fab!" Lily was laughing so hard she was holding a stitch in her side. Severus was dying a little more inside. He wondered what they did get up to in a private room, but quickly put that thought aside. The Lily he knew would never do anything more then snog, and he had seen them doing just that numerous times already; in the hallways, in the Great Hall, in the Library. It was nauseating. Lily finally managed to control her laughter.

"Oh Mar! How right you are. We really are the worst! How did I ever get like this?" Lily asked with a laugh.

"Oh I don't know, but it probably has to do with the fact that you started shagging James Potter. The leader of the Marauders! He certainly does loosen you up quite a bit." Lily slapped playfully at McKinnon's arm and Severus suddenly found it difficult to breath.

"Oh be quiet Ms. I'm-Shagging-Sirius-Black-So-I'm-No-Better!" Lily and Marlene both had a fit of laughter over this. Little did they know that while they were having a fun round of friendly banter, Severus' world was crashing down. He slid down the bookshelf with his head in his hands. How could she let him touch her? Severus was becoming literally sick with the thought of Potter inside his beloved Lily. His stomach was clenching and his head filled with pressure. He had to pull himself together. He tried to listen to the rest of the girl's conversation.

"Will you be quiet about Sirius and me. Only you, Alice, Frank and the Marauders know about us since we are not technically together. And I would not like to get the rep of a slag, Thank you very much." Marlene replied in an undertone. Lily nodded and asked,

"So when are you and Sirius going to join us in the village again? I feel like it has been ages since the two of you came and got smashed with us! It's always a good time. Why don't you come tonight?"

"It has been ages. I'll talk to Sirius and I'm sure he will be up for it!"

Lily squealed with pleasure and the two started making their way out of the Library. Severus sat there for some time, going over what he just heard. Everyone kept going on about choices. As if he even really had any. The Dark Lord was right. What was the point of loving? It only caused pain. It was a weakness, and weaknesses were not something Severus could afford.

Severus sat in the Great Hall at the Slytherin table eating dinner. He couldn't help sneaking glances at the Gryffindor table. There they were, sitting together and Severus now saw them in a new light. Knowing now that Potter had defiled Lily, Severus could barley stomach to look at them. Lily's back was to him and Potter was facing her, straddling the bench. One hand was on her lower back and he was whispering in her ear. By the blush Severus could see that made its way to her neck, he was sure that he didn't want to know what secret they were sharing. Severus pushed his plate away, appetite completely destroyed when he saw Potters hand on her thigh and how it was slowly traveling higher. He couldn't take this. He stood up and looked at the Carrows.

"Remember, eleven o'clock exactly. If you are a minute late I swear I will go without you and this is something you only get one chance at!" The siblings nodded their heads excitedly.

"No worries Severus, we will be there. This is something we wouldn't miss for the world." Alecto said in what was supposed to be a reassuring manner. Severus nodded and left the Great Hall.

He decided to go back to the common room for a bit, but after an hour and a half of thinking about what happened in the Library and the Great Hall and what he was about to do, he needed to get out. He still had an hour and a half before meeting the Carrows at the entrance to the Common Room, so he went for a walk. When he had half an hour left he started back. On the Fourth floor he thought he was going to be caught when he heard someone coming, but figured he would just say he was doing rounds. Then he realized it was a group coming his way. He hid and peered around the corner. His breath caught in his chest. Standing there in front of an oddly placed mirror was the last group of people he wanted to see. Potter, Black, McKinnon, Lupin, Pettigrew, Frank Longbottom, Alice Prewett and Lily were all huddled in street clothes, waiting for Potter who was staring at a piece of parchment. Severus would have sworn that Potter glanced right at the spot where Severus was hiding, but Potter shook his head and tapped the mirror with his wand. All of a sudden the mirror swung forward revealing a dark passage.

"Go ahead guys, I'll keep watch on the map and come last, Padfoot; if you would be so kind to take the lead." Potter said, turning to Black.

"Of course Prongs, well guys, follow me." And they started filing in. As Potter was about to walk into the passage, he stopped and said quietly over his shoulder, "If I were you, I would make the smart choice and keep this to yourself Snape. I don't know what you are doing here, and I don't care, but best believe if you try to do anything with this little bit of information, I personally won't ever give you a minutes peace." Then he was through the passage, mirror back in place and Severus was completely alone. He wanted time to process this, but if he didn't want to be late he was going to have to run.

Severus crouched behind the suit or armor on the fifth floor. The stairs were to his back so as soon as this deed was done they had no worries about fleeing the scene. The Carrows sat with him, waiting patiently for the 5th year Hufflepuff perfect to come by during her rounds. This was a lesson. The Carrows were the students and Severus was the teacher. There were no exceptions; Blood-traitors as well as Mudbloods had to be put in their rightful place. Severus kept telling himself this over and over again, because he kept thinking of the one exception. He tried to banish the thoughts of her red hair and green eyes from his mind. He kept thinking about the small frown on her face whenever he did something she didn't agree with. He didn't want to think of the disappointment in her eyes when he did something unforgiveable. She was making him doubt his actions. Did he make the wrong choice? Would he be able to live as just her friend? Shouldn't that be enough, just to have her in his life in some way, shape, or form? Then he thought about earlier that day, first in the Library, then at dinner, and just now on the fourth floor. He thought about Potter. There was his answer. He could not be in her life while Potter was. People like Potter and Black deserved everything that was coming to them. And she would never understand that. So as the 5th year Hufflepuff came around the corner, it was not her face Severus saw. It was Potters, with that arrogant smirk on his lips and mischief in his eyes. The hatred, the anger, the jealousy he felt for Potter, knowing that he had succeeded with Lily where Severus had failed was all that he needed. The final choice was made. He raised his wand and uttered that fateful word, "Crucio!"


End file.
